I've been wanting to actually keep up with this blog. I suppose the reasons I don't keep up with it very well are as follows:
1) I assume nobody is reading this. Except maybe my mom. Hi mom.
2) The topics I think about enough to blog about are things that aren't necessarily "appropriate" to vent about online (i.e. job, frustrating relationships, etc).
But, to be completely transparent, I need to share some thoughts. My poor husband/living diary is about to combust, I'm sure. Don't worry, I'll be plenty vague and cryptic and you'll have no clue what I'm talking about.
I'm 20 years old. Married. Believer-in-Christ. Aspiring follower-of-Christ. Full-time employee at Bank of America. This is the identity I mentally choose to offer the world; (which causes a bit of a rub, as an aspiring follower-of-Christ, I'm supposed to give up my life and my identity so that I can have a true identity in Christ, and that is that His identity is My identity... confused? Ya, me too).
Partly I'm wondering if I'm even "allowed" to share these feelings. On one hand, I am a... leader? Staff wife? for my sweet church, ONE Community Church. So, again, to be transparent, I'm slightly nervous about bros and sisters from ONE reading these struggles I have and losing faith in me as a leader or any kind of example. And partly I worry about friends who are not believers reading this and getting the wrong idea about Jesus and His Church. So let me attempt to make something perfectly clear before I let you people (or... mom) into my messed up brain:
Bros and sisters from ONEcc: I love Jesus.
Heathen friends: I love Jesus.
No matter how confused or spiritually frustrated I admit to being in this blog, I am committed to Jesus.
Also, please note that I have a stupid sense of humor and am not actually trying to insult friends who don't believe in Jesus. Heathen technically means: A person who does not belong to a widely held religion (esp. one who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim) as regarded by those who do.
See? I even looked it up to make sure I wasn't being a total dirtbag by using it.
Anyway, if you're looking for a blog to relate to, perhaps this can be it. Let's struggle together.
Cliffhanger: Tomorrow is Monday. Ashleys and Mondays are like oil and water. Dreading. Reminding myself: Be Present. I am here.
I love Jesus too! And this post. I think we all need to try to be more real and truthful instead of acting like we've got it all together. God doesn't need us to save face for Him, he uses our weaknesses to show us His strength. :) Keep sharing...
ReplyDelete