Call the National Guard, I'm blogging twice in one day!
I just needed to get this off of my chest:
I am an absolute mess. My gosh. Just read through my old blog posts - I completely exhausted myself emotionally! But can I let you in on a little secret? Two years have passed since I wrote those posts... and nothing has changed. I'm still a mess. I'm just a more guilty mess who tries to fit into the shell everyone tries to put me in. "You need to do this." "Why are you doing that? That's not right."
Part of me likes to be a stir-crazy flake, I think. If I'm allowed to be totally honest. That's part of the bummer about being friends with people way older than me. They've already lived through this stuff so with every move I make I'm being given the steps I "should" take, by my sweet friends with truly good intentions. Is it completely crazy that I kind of want to just be my messed up self and be allowed to make stupid mistakes while I figure things out? My messy times are so much more beautiful than my "trying to do everything right" times. Not that I'm not trying and not that I'm saying I don't want to try, I do. I just want it to be okay with everyone when I fail.
Sigh. Such is life.
:( oh Ashley, don't mind us slightly older friends. It's not like we have all our stuff together. It's just that we have made mistakes in our lives we want to help you avoid. At the same time, we realize people before us made these same mistakes for hundreds of years, and that didn't stop us!!
ReplyDeleteEveryone knows how to better live everyone else's lives but their own.
The absolute truth is, you are farther along in your life at your age than i was at your age- and i bet i am not alone in that. You are a good person who tries incredibly hard. but you are also incredibly hard on yourself. just know that messy or put together- you are loved!
I always appreciate your advice and opinions Suzanne. Really! I just don't want you (or other friends giving me advice) to feel hurt if I end up not taking the advice and doing something overtly stupid instead. Haha.
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